the list of things that mean you are a strange person

1. You enjoy killing people and lighting fires

2. You spend a lot of time thinking about what's going in inside empty rooms

3. You write "help me" on a piece of card and hold it up to your car's window whilst at traffic lights to see if anything happens.

4. You often find yourself wondering how your workmates would actually react if you stood on your chair and urinated on your workstation - screams or applause?

5. You ardently refuse to acknowledge the possibility that anyone who owns or aspires to own a Jeep Grand Cherokee is anything but a complete fucking idiot.

6. You can't understand why other people don't see the Jerry Springer Show as a clear sign of the end of the universe.

7. As a child you performed experimental transplant surgery on your soft toys, taking particular delight in swapping their hands and feet over.

8. On yearbooks, death-threats, birthday cards and petitions you sign your name as 'Shubb-Nigaurath, the Black Goat of the Woods with A Thousand Young'.

9. You collect disused items and carry on conversations with them that invariably end up in fully-fledged dish-throwing screaming matches.

10. You spend hours searching crime archives to see if anyone with the surname Kilpatrick has actually killed someone named Patrick.